Take my word for it – someone I know very well once sat in an A&E department, during a mental health crisis, reading Reasons to Stay Alive by Matt Haig.
I’d advise anyone else in that situation to do the same, or ask someone to read it to you. If short on time or mental energy, jump to page 111 and his list of ‘reasons to stay alive.’
The book is a poignant, heart-wrenching, yet uplifting memoir that explores his journey through mental illness, specifically depression and anxiety.
Written with raw honesty and vulnerability, the book aims to shed light on the often-misunderstood world of mental health struggles, offering a lifeline to those who find themselves struggling with similar issues.
This memoir is not just about despair; it’s a celebration of survival and the beauty of life, even in its darkest moments. Here’s an exploration of what makes Reasons to Stay Alive such a powerful read.
A Personal Journey Through Depression
In his book, Matt Haig recounts his own experience with severe depression, which began when he was just 24 years old.
At a time when he should have felt vibrant and hopeful, he found himself overwhelmed by feelings of despair and anxiety that felt insurmountable. He describes his mind as:
“… a kind of vast and dark machine, like something out of a steampunk graphic novel, full of pipes and pedals and levers and hydraulics, emitting sparks and steam and noise.”
Haig’s struggle with mental illness became so severe that he contemplated ending his life, but somehow, he found reasons to hold on, which he discusses later in the book.
What sets this book apart is Haig’s candidness in sharing what depression feels like. He describes it as a “suffocating fog,” an overwhelming burden that seems to strip away all joy and hope. A strange hell that no one can see or fully appreciate:
“The weirdest thing about a mind is that you can have the most intense things going on in there but no one else can see them.”
Providing validation and understanding
Haig’s descriptions of panic attacks, intrusive thoughts, and the isolation of depression are vivid and unflinching.
On anxiety, he says:
“Adding anxiety to depression is a bit like adding cocaine to alcohol. It presses fast-forward on the whole experience. If you have depression on its own, your mind sinks into a swamp and loses momentum, but with anxiety in the cocktail, the swamp is still a swamp but now has whirlpools in it.”
He also lists some of his symptoms, including an infinite sadness, aching limbs, and the occasional inability to sleep. And the dark and negative things depressions says to you, like you’re not good enough, and tomorrow will be worse.
For many readers who have struggled with similar feelings, his words provide validation and understanding. His point that: “When you at your lowest ebb you feel – wrongly – that no one else in the world has felt so bad” will resonate with many and remind them they are not alone.
Haig’s journey isn’t sugar-coated, making his eventual survival and recovery all the more powerful.
Boys don’t cry. Except they do.
Very helpfully, Haig directly addresses the issue of depression in men. Questioning why rates of suicide in men are so high, he refers to the answers we will all be familiar with, that “… men traditionally, see mental illness as a sign of weakness and are reluctant to seek help.
The fact he has written this memoir will have demonstrated that men most certainly do suffer with their mental health, and that there is no shame in talking about it and writing about it.
Haig points out that many of the greatest and toughest people of all time have suffered from depression, from politicians and astronauts to poets and philosophers. He also lists celebrities who have suffered from depression including Stephen King, Jim Carrey, and Emma Thompson.
“You are no less of a man or a woman or a human for having depression than you would be having cancer to cardiovascular disease or a car accident.”
Haig encourages us to talk, to listen, encourage talking, and encourage listening. He reminds us that depression is a human experience and not something to you ‘admit to.’
“It is not you. It is simply something that happens to you. And something that can often be eased by talking. Words. Comfort. Support.”
Finding Reasons to Stay Alive
The heart of the memoir lies in its exploration of what kept Haig alive during his darkest moments. Reasons to Stay Alive is filled with lists, reflections, and small observations that remind us of the simple joys and beauty in life.
Crucially, starting on page 111, he lists reasons to stay alive, which include the fact that things are not going to get worse, nothing last forever, this pain won’t last, minds move, personalities shift, and you will one day feel joy that matches this pain.
“Minds have their own weather systems. You are in a hurricane. Hurricanes run out of energy eventually. Hold on.”
Haig also writes about the comfort of reading (everything from Oranges Are Not The Only Fruit to Letters of Keats), the warmth of the sun, and the love of his partner, Andrea. These small moments became his lifelines when everything else felt unbearable.
He encourages readers to appreciate the small, everyday wonders of life, like the taste of coffee, the sound of the sea, or the embrace of a loved one. He also talks about the benefits he found in running.
These are the “reasons” that, though they might seem insignificant, have the power to tether us to life when the darkness feels all-consuming.
Through these reflections, Haig offers a different perspective on mental health recovery – not as a grand transformation but as a slow, patient accumulation of small moments of light.
Demystifying Mental Illness
One of the key strengths of Reasons to Stay Alive is its commitment to breaking down the stigma surrounding mental illness. Haig acknowledges how difficult it can be for others to understand depression, especially when it doesn’t seem to have an obvious cause.
He writes, “The mind is a place where everything is simultaneously true and false, where everything is possible and impossible.”
Through his reflections, Haig dismantles common misconceptions, such as the belief that depression is simply sadness or that recovery is a straightforward, linear process.
He emphasises that depression is an illness, not a choice, and that it can affect anyone regardless of external circumstances.
“It can affect people – millionaires, people with good hair, happily married people, people who have just landed a promotion, people who can tap dance and do card tricks, and strum a guitar, people who have noticeable pores, people who exude happiness in their status updates – who seem, from the outside to have no reason to be miserable.”
He also lists some of the things said to people with depression that would not be said in other life-threatening situations, such as: “Okay. Yes. Yes. Maybe your parachute failed. But chin up.”
By sharing his story so openly, he creates a space where readers can feel seen and heard, reducing the shame that so often accompanies mental health struggles.
A Book for Those Who Feel Alone
Haig’s memoir has resonated deeply with readers because of its empathy and warmth. He never presents himself as an expert but as a fellow traveller through the difficult landscape of mental illness.
For those who feel isolated in their struggles, Reasons to Stay Alive offers a sense of companionship and understanding.
The book is not only for those who have experienced depression directly but also for friends and family members trying to understand what their loved ones are going through.
Haig’s descriptions of the battle with his own mind are eye-opening, helping others realise that mental illness is not a weakness or a flaw but a complex and deeply challenging experience.
There is also a helpful list on how to be there for someone with depression or anxiety, including: “Know that you are needed, and appreciated, even if it seems you are not.”
Hope, Healing, and the Future
Ultimately, Reasons to Stay Alive is a book about hope. Haig’s journey is not without setbacks, and he acknowledges that he still faces difficult days. Yet, his story is proof that life, even with its darkness, is worth holding onto.
He emphasises the importance of reaching out for help, whether through therapy, medication, or the support of loved ones, and he reassures readers that they are not alone in their pain.
Haig’s message is one of resilience: that even in the depths of despair, there can be moments of light that make the struggle worthwhile.
“Clouds with silver linings are still clouds. But there is something quite therapeutic to know that pleasure doesn’t just help compensate for pain, it can actually grow from it.”
He doesn’t promise a perfect life but encourages readers to find beauty and meaning in the imperfect one they have. The memoir closes with a sense of gratitude for the life he has now, a life that once seemed impossible to reach.
In sharing his reasons to stay alive, Matt Haig has given readers a reason to keep going, too.
Reasons to Stay Alive by Matt Haig, Canongate Books, 2015.
