In the field of mental health and wellness, positivity is often held up as a cornerstone for personal growth and happiness. We’re frequently reminded to “stay positive,” “look on the bright side,” or “find the silver lining.”
Despite having a Masters in Positive Psychology, I am under no illusion that having a positive mindset is the answer to all ills. To be human means to experience a complex range of emotions that need to be acknowledged for optimum health and wellbeing.
While cultivating a positive outlook can be certainly beneficial, and I have a lot of content on this site that assists with that from vision boards to books to boost self-esteem, there is a growing awareness of the downsides to an unrelenting focus on positivity.
The term toxic positivity is a mindset that insists on positivity at all costs and invalidates this complexity of the human experience.
For those interested in authentic mental health and well-being, it’s essential to understand toxic positivity, its effects, and healthier approaches to emotional balance.
What is Toxic Positivity?
Toxic positivity is the overemphasis on staying positive while dismissing or minimising genuine feelings of sadness, frustration, anger, or any other “negative” emotion.
It operates on the belief that happiness or positivity is the only acceptable state of mind, often ignoring or invalidating other emotions. This notion denies the value of all emotions as part of a balanced and authentic life experience.
Toxic positivity can manifest in phrases like, “just stay positive,” or “it could be worse.” Although these sentiments may seem harmless, they can unintentionally damage mental health and wellbeing by pressuring individuals to suppress or deny their true feelings.
Responses like that can also leave people feeling ashamed for expressing negative emotions. It can result in them minimising their negative feelings rather than accepting them and working through them (Campbell-Sills et al., 2006).
Examples of toxic positivity From X (Twitter)
Upadhyay et al., (2022) from the International Institute of Information Technology, Hyderabad looked at social media and found several examples of toxic positivity:
“A negative mind will never give you a positive life.” This suggests that acknowledging negative thoughts prevents a positive outcome, subtly discouraging people from facing their real emotions.
“Every time I hear something negative, I will replace it with a positive thought.” This implies that simply “thinking positive” is the solution, ignoring the need to process and accept difficult emotions.
“You cannot be lonely if you like the person you’re alone with.” This dismisses genuine feelings of loneliness, implying that feeling lonely is due to a personal shortcoming.
How Toxic Positivity Shows Up
In Social Interactions on and offline
When someone shares a difficult experience, responses like, “Just stay positive!” or “Everything happens for a reason” can shut down the conversation, unintentionally invalidating the person’s emotions.
In Self-Talk
We can internalise toxic positivity by forcing ourselves to stay upbeat, even when we feel emotionally depleted. We might say things like, “I shouldn’t feel this way” or “I have no reason to be upset” creating a conflict between our emotions and our beliefs, and leaving us feeling as if we have failed.
In Workplace Culture
Some workplaces encourage “good vibes only” cultures, where expressing stress, dissatisfaction, or burnout is discouraged. This can lead to a lack of support, empathy, and even higher turnover due to unaddressed workplace issues.
Reinforcing systems of oppression
Toxic positivity can inadvertently reinforce systems of oppression by discouraging people from acknowledging or addressing the negative realities they face. These could include discrimination, inequality, or injustice.
When individuals are encouraged to “just be positive” or focus solely on optimism, they may feel pressured to ignore or downplay the real challenges and systemic issues they encounter.
This approach minimises valid struggles and can prevent meaningful conversations or actions needed to bring about change.
Positive Vibes and authentic vibes
In “Positive Vibes Only: The Downsides of a Toxic Cure-All,” Eva Bosveld argues that toxic positivity can make people feel guilty or ashamed for experiencing perfectly normal emotions.
She highlights that fact that if we believe that sadness or frustration is a sign of weakness, we may be less likely to reach out for help or discuss our feelings openly. This can result in feelings of isolation, as well as a negative self-image
When we push down feelings of sadness, anger, or frustration, they don’t simply disappear. Suppressed emotions often resurface in unexpected ways, such as through stress, physical ailments, or heightened anxiet
Access to the resources needed for change
Bosveld highlights how the “positive vibes only” mindset can be particularly damaging for people who lack access to the resources needed to improve their situations. Its insistence on a positive outlook and personal responsibility, often ignores the reality that many individuals face systemic barriers, such as poverty, discrimination, or limited access to education.
By focusing exclusively on individual positivity and resilience, toxic positivity disregards structural inequalities and can leave those without adequate resources feeling further isolated or inadequate for not being able to “just be positive” and “fix” their situations on their own.
Looking at social media, Bosveld argues that the lack of posts reflecting real-life challenges creates an illusion that constant positivity is not only achievable but expected. This can pressure individuals to mask their true feelings, diminishing opportunities for authentic connections and support.
A shift in the mental health conversation
While Bosveld’s critique is powerful, I believe we’re also seeing an encouraging shift. There is a more open conversation about mental health nowadays, and there are celebrities and influencers who have helped lead this change, often through their social media posts.
It also feels as if there less pressure to mask true feelings and to be more authentic, particularly on social media. Even I, as Gen X, can see through celebrities and brands that are sharing non-authentic messages. Those that are able to break through the noise on social media tend to be the ones that are authentic.
Embracing a Balanced Approach
Positivity has real value, and a positive mindset can be beneficial in many situations. But if we suppress the negative, we hinder personal growth and connection with others, allowing toxic positivity to persist.
A balanced approach that acknowledges the full spectrum of human emotions is essential for mental and emotional well-being, fostering genuine resilience and self-understanding.
Sources
Eva Bosveld. 2021. Positive Vibes Only: The Down- sides of a Toxic Cure-All.
Laura Campbell-Sills, David H. Barlow, Timothy A. Brown, and Stefan G. Hofmann. 2006. Effects of suppression and acceptance on emotional responses of individuals with anxiety and mood disorders. Be- haviour Research and Therapy, 44(9):1251–1263.
Upadhyay, I.S., Srivatsa, K.A. and Mamidi, R., 2022, July. Towards toxic positivity detection. In Proceedings of the tenth international workshop on natural language processing for social media (pp. 75-82).
